YoMamma so UGLY

When she was born they had to put tinted windows on the incubator. She joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals." She looks out the window and got arrested for mooning. Just after she was born, her mother said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it." They push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies. They filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower They didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars. Instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck She gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween. She walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillance cameras Her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her Her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her. When she walks down the street in September, people say "Damn, is it Halloween already?" The government moved Halloween to her birthday. If ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects. They pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints. She made an onion cry. When they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours. . .for a quote! She tried to take a bath the water jumped out! She looks out the window and gets arrested! Even Rice Krispies won't talk to her! Ted Dansen wouldn't date her! For Halloween she trick or treats on the phone! She turned Medusa to stone! The NHL banned her for life People go as her for Halloween. That when she sits in the sand on the beach, cats try to bury her. She scares the roaches away. I heard that your dad first met her at the pound. That your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her good bye. Your dad's breath smells like ---- because he would rather kiss her ass. She is very successful at her job: Being a scarecrow The tide wouldn't even take her out She has little round marks all over her body from people touching her with 10-foot poles. When she was born the windows of her incubator were tinted. When she was born, GOD admitted that even HE could make a mistake! She could scare a hungry wolf off a meat truck. She'd make a freight train take a dirt road. It looks like her face caught fire and they put it out with an ice pick! That when she goes to a haunted house she comes out with a job application. She'd scare a buzzard off a gut wagon. They threw her away and kept the afterbirth. When she was born, the doctor took her and told her mother: "Mam, if this doesn't start to cry in 10 seconds, it was a tumor" When she was born, the doctor threw her against the ceiling and told her mother: "if it doesn't come back, it's a bat" When you look up Ugly in the dictionary it has her picture. Her mother used to put rubber bands on her ears, so people would think the girl was wearing a mask. When she was a baby her mother used to feed her with a slingshot. She wasn't beaten with an ugly stick...the whole forest fell on her. When she was born, her father had to breast feed her...with one arm. When she was born, the doctor slapped her mother. She had a face that would sink a thousand ships. Even ALIEN face huggers run away from her! That when she fell out of the ugly tree she hit every branch on the way down. She couldn't get laid in a prison with a fist full of pardons! When she went to jump in the lake, the lake jumped back!!