Yo Mamma so STUPID

She told me to meet her at the corner of walk and don't walk. She thought toothpaste was a new art supply. She put a food stamp on an envelope She got hit by a parked car. It took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes When she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) sign, she went home and got 16 friends When your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran outside with a spoon She told everyone that she was "illegitimate" because she couldn't read She puts lipstick on her head just to makeup her mind She hears it's chilly outside so she gets a bowl You have to dig for her IQ! She got locked in a grocery store and starved! She tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order! She could trip over a cordless phone! She sold her car for gasoline money! She bought a solar-powered flashlight! She thinks a quarterback is a refund! She took a cup to see Juice. She asked you "What is the number for 911" She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept. When she read on her job application to not write below the dotted line she put "O.K." She got stabbed in a shoot out. She stole free bread. She took a spoon to the superb owl. She called Dan Quayle for a spell check. She stepped on a crack and broke her own back. She makes Beavis and Butt-Head look like Nobel Prize winners. She thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train. She asked on an application, "Sex?", she marked, "M, F and sometimes Wednesday too." She took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif. When you stand next to her you hear the ocean! She thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new hamburger at McDonalds! She sits on the TV, and watches the couch! She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center. She bought a video camera to record cable TV shows at home. She went to take the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead. She jumped out the window and went up. She thought a quarterback was an income tax refund.(Not That Stupid) She took a umbrella to see Purple Rain. That under "Education" on her job application, she put "Hooked on Phonics." She put out the cigarette butt that was heating your house. She watches "The Three Stooges" and takes notes. She was born on Independence Day and can't remember her birthday. She thought gangrene was another golf course She couldn't read an audio book It take her a month to get rid of the 7 day itch. She thought the Nazis were saying "Hi! Hitler" It take her a week to get rid of a 24hr virus It take her a day to cook a 3 minute egg She has to ask for help to use hamburger helper She went to disneyworld and saw a sign that said "Disneyworld Left" so she went home. She asked me what kind of jeans I had on and I said "guess" so she said Levi's She went to Alpha Beta and asked to buy a vowel.

Yo Mamma so OLD

That when she walked into an antique shop, they kept her. When Moses parted the red sea she was on the other side fishing. I told her to act her own age, and the bitch died. She has Jesus' beeper number! Her social security number is 1! That when God said let there be light, she hit the switch' That when she was in school there was no history class. She owes Jesus 3 bucks! She's in yearbook! She has a picture of Moses in her yearbook. Her birth certificate says expired on it. She knew Burger King while he was still a prince. She was a waitress at the Last Supper. She ran track with dinosaurs. Her birth certificate is in Roman numerals. She sat behind Jesus in the third grade. She knew the Virgin Mary when she was 10 and said, "Li'l Mary will never amount to anything". She was Jesus Wet Nurse She's blind from the big bang Even God calls her mother!

Yo Mamma so POOR

When you put out a cigarette in her house her kid asked "Hey who turned out the lights" When you droop a cigar in her house a bunch of cockroaches ran out and say "Clap your hands,stomp your feet,praise the Lord,cause we got heat." When I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said "Moving." She can't afford to pay attention! When I ring the doorbell I hear the toilet flush! When she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people's fingers!!! When I ring the doorbell she says,"DING!" She went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway. Your family ate cereal with a fork to save milk. Her face is on the front of a foodstamp. She was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags. I said, "What ya doin'?" She said, "Buying luggage." She drives a peanut. She waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air conditioning. Burglars break in her house and leave money You go out for Sunday pushes of the skateboard

YoMamma so UGLY

When she was born they had to put tinted windows on the incubator. She joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals." She looks out the window and got arrested for mooning. Just after she was born, her mother said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it." They push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies. They filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower They didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars. Instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck She gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween. She walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillance cameras Her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her Her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her. When she walks down the street in September, people say "Damn, is it Halloween already?" The government moved Halloween to her birthday. If ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects. They pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints. She made an onion cry. When they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours. . .for a quote! She tried to take a bath the water jumped out! She looks out the window and gets arrested! Even Rice Krispies won't talk to her! Ted Dansen wouldn't date her! For Halloween she trick or treats on the phone! She turned Medusa to stone! The NHL banned her for life People go as her for Halloween. That when she sits in the sand on the beach, cats try to bury her. She scares the roaches away. I heard that your dad first met her at the pound. That your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her good bye. Your dad's breath smells like ---- because he would rather kiss her ass. She is very successful at her job: Being a scarecrow The tide wouldn't even take her out She has little round marks all over her body from people touching her with 10-foot poles. When she was born the windows of her incubator were tinted. When she was born, GOD admitted that even HE could make a mistake! She could scare a hungry wolf off a meat truck. She'd make a freight train take a dirt road. It looks like her face caught fire and they put it out with an ice pick! That when she goes to a haunted house she comes out with a job application. She'd scare a buzzard off a gut wagon. They threw her away and kept the afterbirth. When she was born, the doctor took her and told her mother: "Mam, if this doesn't start to cry in 10 seconds, it was a tumor" When she was born, the doctor threw her against the ceiling and told her mother: "if it doesn't come back, it's a bat" When you look up Ugly in the dictionary it has her picture. Her mother used to put rubber bands on her ears, so people would think the girl was wearing a mask. When she was a baby her mother used to feed her with a slingshot. She wasn't beaten with an ugly stick...the whole forest fell on her. When she was born, her father had to breast feed her...with one arm. When she was born, the doctor slapped her mother. She had a face that would sink a thousand ships. Even ALIEN face huggers run away from her! That when she fell out of the ugly tree she hit every branch on the way down. She couldn't get laid in a prison with a fist full of pardons! When she went to jump in the lake, the lake jumped back!!

Yo mamma so fat

Her mailbox says Home of the Whopper. Last time she saw 90210 it was on the scale!!!! When she walked in front of the TV you missed 5 minutes of your show. when truckers pass her by they say to themselves "who the hell's driving that rig" When her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up Her nickname is "DAMN" She eats Wheat Thicks. We're in her right now People jog around her for exercise She went to the movies and sat next to everyone She has been declared a natural habitat for Condors You haveta roll over twice to get off her... She was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her for then new world She lay on the beach and people run around yelling Free Willy When you get on top of her your ears pop! When she has sex, she has to give directions! She goes to a restaurant, looks at the menu and says "okay!" When she wears a yellow raincoat, people said "Taxi!" She had to go to Sea World to get baptized She got to iron her pants on the driveway She put on her lipstick with a paint-roller She got to pull down her pants to get into her pockets When she tripped over on 4th Ave, she landed on 12th When she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too The highway patrol made her wear "Caution! Wide Turn" When she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND THE HOUSE! When she steps on a scale, it read "one at a time, please" When she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo. She fell in love and broke it. When she gets on the scale it says to be continued. When she gets on the scale it says we don't do livestock. Her neck looks like a pair of hot dogs! She's got her own area code! She looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagon! God couldn't light Earth till she moved! NASA has to orbit a satellite around her! Whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in! When she plays hopscotch, she goes New York, L.A., Chicago... She's got AMTRAK written on her leg. Even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction! Her legs is like spoiled milk - white & chunky! You have to roll her ass in flour and look for the wet spot to ---- her! I had to take a train and two buses just to get on the ------- good side! She wakes up in sections! When she goes to an amusement park, people try to ride HER! She sat on a quarter and a booger shot out of George Washington's nose./li> She was mistaken for God's bowling ball! She rolled over 4 quarters and it made a dollar! When she lies on the beach no one else gets sun! When she bungee jumps she goes straight to hell! When she jumps up in the air she gets stuck!!! She's got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book! That her senior pictures had to be aerial views! She's on both sides of the family! Every time she walks in high heels, she strikes oil! She fell and made the Grand Canyon! She sat on the beach and Green peace threw her in! That when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips! Even her clothes have stretch marks! She has a wooden leg with a kickstand! She has to use a VCR as a beeper! She broke her leg, and gravy poured out! When she rides in a hot air balloon, it looks like she's wearing tights! She got hit by a parked car! They have to grease the bath tub to get her out! She has a run in her blue-jeans! When she gets on the scale it says to be continued. When she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo. They use the elastic in her underwear for bungee jumping When they used her underwear elastic for bungee jumping, they hit the ground. When she back up she beep. She has to buy two airline tickets. When she fell over she rocked herself asleep trying to get up again. She influences the tides. That when I tried to drive around her I ran out of gas. She broke her leg and gravy fell out. The animals at the zoo feed her. She was baptized at Marine World. When she dances at a concert the whole band skips. The Aids quilt wouldn't cover her She stands in two time zones. It takes her two trips to haul ass You have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through When the ----- goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps. That she cant tie her own shoes. Sets off car alarms when she runs. She cant reach her back pocket. When she wears a Malcomn X T-shirt, helicopters try to land on her back! She lays on the beach and green peace tried to push her back in the water She uses redwoods to pick her teeth The only pictures you have of her are satellite pictures She put on some BVD's and by the time they reached her waist they spelled out boulevard. She stepped on a rainbow and made Skittles. She uses a mattress for a tampon. That when she sits on the beach, Green peace shows up and tries to tow her back into the ocean..... That she would have been in E.T., but when she rode the bike across the moon, the bitch caused an eclipse. She hoola-hooped the super bowl. She was baptized in the ocean. They tie a rope around her shoulders and drag her through a tunnel when they want to clean it. When she got hit by a bus, she said, "Who threw that rock?" When she stands in a left-turn lane it gives her the green arrow! That when was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks. The National Weather Agency has to assign names to her farts!!! We went to the drive-in and didn't have to pay because we dressed her as a Chevrolet.